


Transcendent

by writeside



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Anxiety, Gen, transgender character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-31
Updated: 2017-06-13
Packaged: 2018-11-07 11:36:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 2,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11058132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeside/pseuds/writeside
Summary: Also known as 'lars is trans and nothing hurts.' A collection of snippets about Lars being trans.





	1. Cracking

**Author's Note:**

> this is a response to a prompt over here: https://sukink.dreamwidth.org/368.html?thread=58736#cmt58736

“This is the worst thing that’s ever happened to a teenage boy, ever, anywhere,” Lars groans, and flops his head onto the counter. “Ever,” he repeats.

Sadie sighs. “What happened now?” she asks.

“My voice cracked,” Lars says. His voice cracks on ‘voice’ and he moans and tries to sink further into the counter.

“That’s no so bad,” Sadie tries. “You’re going through puberty, your voice cracks all the time.”

“It’s so humiliating!” Lars cries, throwing his hands into the air. “I’m a teenager my voice shouldn’t still be cracking like that!”

“How about this; I great the customers, you work in the back.” Sadie says, smiling her shy little quirk of a grin up at Lars. Lars crosses his arms defensively.

“I can - “

“Just accept the help, Lars,” Sadie sighs, cutting him off. Lars blushes and hugs his crossed arms closer to his chest, then goes to the back of the shop. Sadie smiles as she watches the back door close behind him.


	2. Orange Juice

“Sadie’s on her period, which means _I’m_ on my period.”

Ronaldo freezes, hands hovering over his laptop keyboard. Lars knows that look. He groans and flops onto Ronaldo’s bed. “That’s not a conspiracy that’s just how bodies work, Ronny.”

Ronaldo closes his eyes seriously and nods like he knew that all along. “Of course,” he says, “But you have to admit it’s suspicious.”

“How did you pass anatomy?” Lars asks. “This is basic shit, Ronny. People with periods sync up when they spend a lot of time together.”

“And you and Sadie spend all your time together,” Ronaldo says. Lars groans again, more dramatically this time, and kicks out at his friend.

“Seriously? I’m bleeding on your bed and you’re gonna spew conspiracy theories about me and my coworker?”

“You’re _bleeding_?” Ronaldo shrieks, dropping his laptop.

Lars sits up in shock. “Ronaldo, do you know a single god damn thing about the human body?”

Ronaldo narrows his eyes, then turns to stare dramatically out his window. “Science is propaganda meant to keep us from investigating. I only trust what I can see.”

“Well you’ll have to trust what I’ve seen and I’ve seen period blood. Make your self useful and get me a glass of fucking orange juice or something.”

Ronaldo freezes. “Does orange juice stop bleeding?” he asks. “Does it stop _pain_?”

Lars flops back on Ronaldo’s bed, chuckling. “No, dumbass, it just makes me feel better.”


	3. Transformative

“Hey,” Buck says, leaning against the school wall when Lars walks out.

“Oh! Oh! Uh, hey, hey Buck!” Lars stammers, throwing his arms around like any normal totally not socially anxious person would.

“I heard you call yourself ‘Lars’ to Donut Girl the other day,” Buck says, casually, because it’s his only way of being.

“Oh, uh, yeah, um. Lars is my name now.” Lars bites his lip and says “Do you like it?”

“It’s cool,” Buck says. Lars thinks he might be dead. “You’re a boy now, right?”

Lars nods. “Yeah. I mean I guess I was always a boy? It just took me a second to figure out. Heh. Pretty dumb, huh?”

“I think it’s pretty cool,” Buck says. “Self discovery. Choosing your own name, becoming your own man.”

“Yeah, uh, yeah.” Lars spreads his hands out in awkward jazz hands. “That’s, uh, the trans experience.”

“Huh,” Buck says, and smiles. “Thanks for the talk, man. It was transformative.”

Lars blushes and smiles. “Heh. Yeah, um, no problem, uh, man. Wait, was that a pun?”

Buck fingerguns and walks away backwards.

“So cool,” Lars whispers to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a dumb head canon after seeing Buck call ‘Bingo Bongo’ ‘transcendent’ that after Lars comes out buck tries to use words starting with ‘trans’ to describe lars as often as possible.


	4. Boy Chest

“Why do you do that?” Steven asks Lars one day. Lars pauses with his hand on his chest.

“Do what?” he asks.

“That,” Steven says, and points to where Lars’ hand is resting on his chest.

“Oh,” Lars says. “You mean pat my chest?”

“Yeah.”

“That’s simple,” Lars explains. “I pat my chest because I’m a boy.”

Steven frowns in confusion. “But I’m a boy and I don’t pat my chest all the time.”

“Well you aren’t a boy with breasts,” Lars says. “I dunno, man, you can’t really grab at your chest when you have boobs, it’s not appropriate. Also, it’s just. Kind of awkward.”

“So now that you don’t have breasts you pat your chest all the time?” Steven asks. Lars shrugs and looks embarrassed.

“I still have breasts, Steven, I just wear a binder now. And yeah, I like feeling how flat my chest is. So I pat it sometimes, what’s the big deal? And stop asking about my breasts you’re like ten!”

“Could I pat your chest?” Steven asks, ignoring Lars’ blow up.

“No!” Lars shrieks.

“Because you still have breasts under your binder?”

“Yes! And because it’s weird and you’re weird!”

“I’ll wait until you don’t have breasts anymore,” Steven says, “Then I’ll pat your chest because you’re a boy.”

Lars groans and slumps agains the Big Donut counter. “Thanks, Steven,” he mumbles. “Now do you want any donuts or not?”

 

The first time Lars sees Steven after getting top surgery Steven runs over and pats him on the chest, super gently so he doesn’t hurt Lars, and with a giant grin and stars in his eyes. “Boy chest!” he whispers triumphantly. Lars tries to keep a straight face but snickers a bit, then full-out laughs.

“Boy chest,” Lars repeats, and pats Steven’s chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I saw an image set of Lars and Steven doing their chest pat thing and it was captioned like ‘idk why they do this thing’ and of course i was like ‘they do it because lars is Trans.’ i don’t actually know if this is standard or not but patting my chest is like a defining Trans Experience(TM) for me.


	5. Stab Me

“If you really cared about me you would stab me in the fucking leg,” Lars says.

“Take your own shots, you big baby,” Sadie replies, not looking up from where her homework is spread out on Lars’ bed.

“I thought you liked gratuitous violence and bloodshed?” Lars tries.

“Lars you’re not gonna get me to help you with your shots no matter how much you prove you listen when I tell you about my interests,” Sadie sighs. "Also your hormones do not count as violence and bloodshed."

“I do listen to you,” Lars protests. "And my shots are painful! They should count for something!"

“Then listen to me saying you’re on your own here, buddy.” Sadie flips a page in her notebook nonchalantly but she's smiling.

Lars groans and flops face first into his bed, making Sadie and her homework bounce. She looks up and smiles fondly at Lars’ dramatic posturing.

“I thought it was supposed to get easier with time,” she says.

“It doesn’t,” Lars moans into his mattress. “It super doesn’t.”

Sadie reaches out so she can pat Lars on the back. “Poor baby.”

“Don’t act like you care about me when you won’t even stab me.”

Sadie moves so she can pet Lars’ hair. “Poor grumpy baby.”

Lars grumbles into his mattress.


	6. Pretty Wow

"Hey, Lars," Buck calls. Lars goes rigid then turns around so abruptly he nearly falls over.

“Buck!” he shouts.

“I looked into that whole trans thing,” Buck says, walking up to Lars casually. Everything Buck does is casual, and everything Buck does looks even more casual next to Lars, who sometimes feels like he’s made entirely of anxiety and poor life choices.

“Oh?” Lars tries to ask casually. “Oh, interesting. Neat. Cool.” He slams his mouth shut before he can keep spewing garbage.

“Yeah, it is pretty neat,” Buck says as if Lars is acting normal. “You know, I think I might be trans as well.”

“What! You!?” Lars shouts.

“Yeah,” Buck says. “I’ve been looking into non binary genders. I’m thinking about trying out some new pronouns.”

“Thats! That’s, wow!” Lars says, volume still too high and chill nowhere to be found.

“Yeah, it’s pretty wow,” Buck allows, then clasps Lars on the shoulder. Lars nearly falls down. “I wanted you to know first, man,” Buck says. “Because you were the one who taught me about all this stuff. That was really cool of you.”

“I - I - I -“ Lars tries. He swallows and reminds himself that he’s gotta actually speak to Buck if he ever wants to be friends with Buck. “Just, just tell me what to call you! And I’ll, uh, I’ll call you that! Heh heh.”

“Thanks,” Buck says, still smiling.


	7. Mostly Boy

“You should bring in more baked goods,” Sadie says one day while business is slow at the Big Donut. Lars doesn’t reply so she looks up at him to make sure his headphones aren't in. They aren’t. “Lars?” she asks and he looks away. “What’s wrong?”

“Boys don’t bake,” he growls.

Sadie looks confused. “But, you're a boy?”

Lars shifts and crosses his arms, then uncrosses them, then scoffs and crosses them back. “Yeah, I’m a boy.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Baking’s a girl thing!” Lars cries, flinging his arms out. “No one will believe I'm really a boy if I do things like bake!”

“Well if you do it then it becomes a boy thing. Or at least a Lars thing,” Sadie says. She smiles shyly and it cuts through Lars, just like it always does. He looks away. “Besides,” she says. “If anyone doesn’t believe you’re a boy just because of your hobbies they’re looking for an excuse. You shouldn’t care so much what people think.”

Lars groans. “But I do care what people think. I care a lot.”

Sadie sighs. “I know,” she says. “I know.”

Lars huffs. “I like baking. I might even kind of love it.” He blushes. “It’s, like, part of me. But being a boy is a bigger part of me. It’s all of me. And if being a boy means I have to stop baking then I’ll stop baking.”

“I think there’s a lot more to you than just ‘boy.’” Sadie says.

“Well yeah, there’s also, like, anxiety and mood swings. But mostly boy.”

Sadie laughs. “That’s pretty accurate, actually.”

Lars pulls a hand through his hair and snorts a little. “Yeah, that’s me.” He smiles down at her.

“Why don’t you just, not tell anyone?” Sadie suggests.

“About my anxiety and mood swings?” Lars asks. “I won’t have any personality left.”

“No, about your baking. You could still bake in private, at least until you’re confident enough to share your food more.”

Lars ruffles his hair. It’s not like his baking is a secret from his parents, and he really doesn’t know what he would do with his time instead. Something manly, like working out or crushing beer bottles with his bare hands, maybe. He’d hate it.

“Fine, whatever,” he grumbles. “What do you want me to bring in?”


	8. Donut Boy

Steven brought Garnet into the Big Donut two months after Lars first came out. His binder had finally come in the mail by that point and Sadie had trained herself to react more vehemently to Lars’ birth name than even he did, jumping in to correct people while Lars still responded out of habit.

“Donut Girls,” Garnet had greeted when she and Steven came in.

“Only one Donut Girl,” Sadie corrected.

“Lars is a boy now!” Steven explained happily.

“Donut Boy,” Garnet corrected.

And that had been that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tj-the-nonbinary-alien on tumblr asked for Garnet being protective of Lars because her whole thing is protecting people's ability to be themselves and she sees herself in him and it was a super cute idea so i had to write it and I'm sorry it took me so long to put up. I want to keep this short snippets but i also wanted to give this interaction the time and definition it deserves so i broke it up into multiple parts. This first part is shorter than short but what can ya do there's more on the way


	9. Wrestling with Food

“It’s like wrestling, but with food,” Sadie says, switching the TV to Food Network.

“It’s nothing like that!” Lars protests, making a show of trying to steal the remote from her. Sadie, despite being half Lars’ size, only has to reach her hand holding the remote out a few inches for Lars to pretend he can’t reach it. Sadie smiles to herself. Long days at the Big Donut taught her two things: one, that donuts are kind of overrated; and two, that Lars is actually one of the most easygoing people in Beach City provided you let him kick up a fuss every step of the way. 

“Well I like it,” Sadie says. Lars groans and flops around on his bed like an overgrown fish. “And I go to all those stupid wrestling matches with you, so you can watch Food Network with me.”

“But you _like_ going to wrestling matches!” Lars says, springing up so he’s kneeling on his bed. 

“And you’re gonna like this!” Sadie says. Lars groans dramatically and flops back onto his bed. Sadie tries not to smile but she’s pretty sure he only knelt so he could flop back down.

“So what is ‘this’?” Lars drawls sarcastically, even adding air quotes. Sadie squints at the TV, looking for a logo.

“Chopped,” she says once she finds the logo in the corner. “I don’t remember the rules, but, uh, there’s definitely some competition happening!”

“Oh, joy,” Lars says, rearranging himself so he’s facing the screen and has his head is propped on a hand.

“Shh,” Sadie says.

Ten minutes later Lars grunts “Why does everyone have daddy issues and a tragic backstory?”

“Oh, heh. Guess they do,” Sadie says.

Lars darts a look at her, then says dramatically “Yeah it’s like Cooking: the Anime!”

Sadie laughs and Lars puffs out his chest proudly. 

“As if wrestling is any better!” Sadie says.

“Wrestling is _so much_ better!” Lars cries. “There’s real emotion! Real character! Real _struggle_!”

“Well, we can try Cutthroat Kitchen next, maybe it will be more your speed.”

Lars leans back. “Sure, next time,” he says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know if they meant it as a prompt but LordAcies commented that lars should watch cooking shows and i agree so here's snippet 1/? where lars watches cooking shows and i guess some sadie introspection on lars' character snuck in there?


	10. Moms and Mayors

Garnet doesn’t visit often but Steven likes showing his weird moms around the parts of Beach City his loves, and Steven loves the Big Donut. This means that Garnet is standing feet spread and arms crossed watching Steven chat with Sadie while Lars makes rude commentary when Mayor Dewey walks in.

“He’s a boy now,” Garnet says. Lars, recognizing she’s probably talking about him, looks over. Sadie also takes note, watching Mayor Dewey carefully like if she looks away he’ll start rampantly misgendering everyone.

Mayor Dewey squirms. “Er, yes,” he says. “Of course. Lara - Lars. Is a boy now. Of course. Uh, two donuts please!”

“I’ll get those for you,” Sadie says, keeping her squinted eyes trained on the mayor the entire time she pulls out and bags two donuts. Mayor Dewey sweats under her stare. 

“T-thank you, young citizen,” he says when she hands him the bag, and promptly leaves.

“Thanks,” Lars says to Garnet after the mayor leaves. “I don’t really know how you knew he was planning on misgendering me, but, uh. That was cool of you. Most people don’t, like, _get it_.”

“Doesn’t matter if I get it,” Garnet says, a tiny smirk on her face. “As long as you do.” 

“Uh, okay? Thanks?” Lars says, figuring he’ll leave it at that. Steven has some weird moms.


	11. Tame

“No! What are you doing! Don’t do that, you don’t have time! Trust your instincts!”

“What are you watching?” Sadie asks, coming up the stairs.

“Nothing!” Lars shrieks, scrambling for the remote while making his standard issue panic noises. Sadie tunes them out like the professional she is, instead looking at Lars’ TV screen. 

“The Great British Bake Off? I thought that was too…uh… _tame_ for you?”

“There’s nothing tame about amateur bakers fighting the clock and their own self esteem to craft baked masterpieces.”

“I guess," Sadie says doubtfully. "Hey, is there room for me on that bed?”

Lars scotches over without a word, eyes fixed on the screen while Sadie hops up next to him.

“It’s relaxing,” he mutters. “S’ nice.” Sadie’s careful not to look away from the TV screen and embarrass Lars into taking it back, but she’s smiling. 

**Author's Note:**

> if there's something you want to see plz comment/message me/hit me up at writeside.tumblr.com


End file.
